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The Theatre - Part One

What follows is a transcript of THE THEATRE- FIRST INSTALLMENT - FROM THE STREET TO THE STAGE By ISAAC P.O.D. CASTLEBERRY. May receive this episode by downloading the MP3 or by subscribing to this podcast.

(Begin Transcript)

THE THEATRE- FIRST INSTALLMENT - FROM THE STREET TO THE STAGE
By ISAAC P.O.D. CASTLEBERRY

(Street noises up. Car door opens.)

IPOD
(very professorial accent-possibly English) Well, well, well, we’ve finally made it to the theatre. And I, Issac P.O.D. Castleberry  would like to present you with these wages, my good man, for our safe arrival.

Sounds of coins.

DRIVER
What the….Hey buddy! What about the tip?

IPOD
Oh yes! Frequent the theatre on pay what you can night. It’s quite a bargain.

DRIVER
Cheapskate!

(Door slams. Car pulls off.)

IPOD
(takes a deep breath)
Ahh, what a lovely night for drama!  Oh, where were we? Yes…in front of the theatre. Well, as you can see, the first sign of theatre upon our arrival is actually the SIGN OF THE THEATRE, or what is known as THE MARQUEE. The billboard or sign, if you will which advertises the theatrical production. As you can see, tonight we will be witnessing Julius Caesar. Come, Come…

(Crowd noises.)

IPOD
We have just entered the THEATRE LOBBY. Now, that space over there is called the TICKET BOOTH. It’s where we pick up our tickets for the production…  Two tickets for Mr. Isaac P.O.D. Castleberry…

BOOTH ATTENDANT
Hello Mr. Castleberry. Here are your tickets. We’ve had them waiting for you since last week when you made your RESERVATIONS for the show. Please hurry, the performance has already started.  As you know Mr. Castleberry, normally we wouldn’t  seat anyone after the play has begun, but since this is the only time you have been late for a performance in30 years and you are one of our local critics, we will make an exception in your case.

IPOD
Thank you my dear…please forgive me, but I have this terrible hangnail…

USHER
Mr. Castleberry…

IPOD
Ahhh, our USHER. She will show us to our seats and take our tickets.

USHER
Yes, please hurry Mr. Castleberry…

IPOD
(whispers to guest) Never…never arrive at the theatre once the show has started. It’s absolutely UNFORGIVABLE! Always get there at least thirty minutes before CURTAIN. Curtain is the  term used for the start of the show. As in WHEN THE CURTAIN GOES UP… You see, if it weren’t for this hangnail…

USHER
Please, Mr. Castleberry…walk this way…

IPOD
What a strange request. My hips have never been able to move like that…


USHER
No, Mr. Castleberry, I meant you should follow me.

IPOD
Oh…yes…of course.

USHER
Shhh…

The actor recites lines in the background.

ACTOR
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears, I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him…

IPOD
(trying to whisper) We have just entered the HOUSE or AUDITORIUM. It’s the actual place where the play is presented. As you can see…or can’t see, it’s quite dark.

USHER
Your seats, Mr. Castleberry are down that row in the very middle…

IPOD
Egads!

USHER
That’s what happens when you get here late…

IPOD
If it weren’t for that…

USHER
Hangnail…right…here are your tickets.

IPOD
Thank you my dear. Before the night is over, you must show me that walk again.

USHER
(flattered) Oh, Mr. Castleberry…enjoy the show.


IPOD
On ward, my friend! Pardon me…

PATRON 1
Ouch! That’s my toe!

IPOD
Sorry…

PATRON 2
Shhh…

IPOD
My apologies…

PATRON 3
Sit down!

IPOD
Thank you…

PATRON 3
Not on me!

IPOD
Sorry, I thought you were someone I knew… My goodness! What’s that I see? A nickel… on the floor…

PATRON 4
For heaven’s sake…

PATRON 5
Move on, will you!

IPOD
Not until I’ve retrieved this treasure…

PATRON 5
Get your rump out of my face!

IPOD
If this were not a wholesome presentation, I’d…

PATRON 4
Oh, my eye…you poked me in eye.

IPOD
In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king…

PATRON 4
Oh, my eyeeee…

IPOD
Thank goodness, we’ve finally made it. Now, let’s review what we have witnessed so far on our theatre outing. Outside we saw the MARQUEE advertising the play. When we entered the THEATRE LOBBY, we picked up our tickets from the ATTENDANT in the TICKET BOOTH who already had our RESERVATIONS or notification of our attendance, which is usually accompanied with tickets that have been put aside for the performance. Next, we were greeted by our USHER who took our tickets and showed us to our SEATS in the HOUSE or AUDITORIUM. Unfortunately, because we arrived late, we missed the 8 o’clock CURTAIN, which is the actual time the show begins. Now we are ready to
sit back and enjoy the show.

(Applause.)

USHER
At this time, we will take a ten minute INTERMISSION and come back for the remainder of the show. Thank you.

IPOD
Already? Yes…I almost forgot. The INTERMISSION or BREAK generally comes between the ACTS or major subdivisions of a play. In this case we have a break or intermission between acts one and two of Julius Caesar. You can always tell when the intermission is over and the play is about to begin once more by the flickering of the lights in the lobby by the usher.

IPOD
In this first segment on theatre,  we started on the actual street and moved inside the auditorium. In our next presentation, we will begin our presentation at the stage itself and move to the back door of the theatre.  I’m Dr. Isaac P.O.D. Castleberry, theatre professor, pundit, and impresario! Until next time.

(End Transcript)

Posted at 09:36AM Feb 28, 2007 by jmcgregor in THEA1030  |